Bisaya Jokes are very well known nowadays, in Youtube, Facebook feeds, blogs and other social media sites.Many people love to her Bisaya jokes because its originality and unlike no others. You will truly love Bisaya jokes as its so funny, either way you watched in Youtube, stumble upon blogs or in Social medias.
You will learn Bisaya dialect easily with these jokes ideas, we translate it to Tagalog & English version.
1. Quotes Joke
English: "Do not do unto others what you don't want other do unto you"
Tagalog: "Huwag kang ganyan, kung ganyan ka, huwag naman ganon!"
Bisaya: "Ayaw pag-ana, di raba ka magpa-ana!"
2. Job Interview
Bisaya Version:
Usa ka boss mi-interview sa upat ka babaye ug gihatagan ug usa ka pangutana para sa ilang upat....
Boss: A woman normally have lips in two different places. What is the difference between the two?
Girl 1: Ang usa daghang buhok, ang usa wala.
Boss: ok....good!
Girl 2: Ang usa makasulti, ang usa dili.
Boss: that's better.
Girl 3: Ang usa vertical ug ang usa horizontal.
Boss: hmm.. clever!
Girl 4: Ang usa para sa akong pagkaon, ang usa naman para sa akong boss.
Boss: You are hired!!!
Tagalog Version:
Isang boss nag i-interview sa apat na babae, at bawat isa nila binigyan isang katanungan.
Boss: Ang babae may dalawang labi nasa magka-ibang position, anu ang pagkaka-iba sa nila.
Girl 1: yung isa maraming buhok, at yung isa ay wala.
Boss: Ok... Good!
Girl 2: Yung isa makapagsalita, at yung isa hindi.
Boss: that's better.
Girl 3: Yun isa paharang, at yung isa paharap
Boss: hmm.. clever!
Girl 4: Ang isa para sa pagkain ko, at yun isa para sa Boss ko.
Boss: You are hired!!!
English Version:
A boss interviews 4 women and ask them each single question .
Boss: A woman normally have lips in two different places. What is the difference between the two?
Girl 1: The one with hair and the other one does not have hair.
Boss: Ok... Good!
Girl 2: The one can speak while the other one doesn't speak.
Boss: that's better.
Girl 3: The one is vertical and the other is horizontal
Boss: hmm.. clever!
Girl 4: The one is for eating, and the other is for you boss.
Boss: You are hired!!!
3. Pahubog na Bana
Isa ka adlaw ang asawa gayaw yaw sa iyang bana.
Asawa: Undangi na sige nimo hubog hubog dinha kay usik og kwarta
Bana: Kay ngano gihilabtan ba ka nako na imo pamilit og make-up?
Asawa: May nalang ko nag pa gwapa para nimo.
Bana: Kay ako! nag hubog arun mo gwapa ka!
Tagalog Version:
Isang araw ang mag asawa ay may alitan
Asawa: Huminto kana sa paglalasing mo, sayang ang pera kabili mo ng alak
Bana: Bakit mo ako pinakialaman!, naki alam ba ako sa gastos mo sa pagbili ng make-up?
Asawa:
English Version:
One a day wife scolded his husband
Wife: Will you stop being a drunkard! you've just wasting money on that vises.
Husband: What's the matter! did I interfere with you're make-up expenses?
Wife: Well, I make myself pretty for you.
Husband: Well, I do like to be a drunkard so that when I sees you, you may look prettier
4. Usa ka damgo impossible / Impossbile dream
Bisaya Version:
Sa isang contest, interview portion. Ano ga2win mo pg gumising ka
na may ktabing $1M?...
KANO: go on a world tour
HAPON: put up a bizniz
PINOY: 2log napud para
mahimong $2M!!!hehehe
Tagalog Version:
Sa isang contest, interview portion. Ano ga2win mo pg gumising ka na may katabing $1M?...
KANO: Go on a world tour
HAPON: Put up a bizniz
PINOY: 2log ulit para magiging $2M!!!hehehe
English Version:
In an interview portion of the contest. What you will do when you wake up in the morning an a $1M besides you.
American: Go on a world tour
Japanese: Put up a business
Philippines: Go back to sleep and dream again, perhaps it will become $2M dollars.
5. Sa Korte
Bisaya Version:
Sa isang Korte
Judge: Pedro, unsa man jud ang nahitabo?
Pedro: (wala ni tingog)
Judge: tubaga ang question!
Pedro: ingon hearing lang ni! Ngano naay Speaking?
Tagalog Version:
Sa isang Korte
Judge: Pedro. anu ba talaga nanyari?
Pedro: (Hindi sumagut / nagsalita)
Judge: Sagutin mo ang aking tanong
Pedro: Akala ko hearing lang ito, pati pala pagsasalita.
English Version:
Inside the court
Judge: Pedro, What did really happen?
Pedro: not saying a words
Judge: Answer my question
Pedro: I thought this is a hearing case, why there is need to speak?
6. Gwapa ba daw
Bisaya Version:
Asawa: hon nganu ako man imo gepili nga dili man ko gwapa.
Bana: gwapa ka hon oi
Asawa: sure ka hon?
Bana: Uo gwapa ka hon oi, gikan TIIL taman LI-OG.
Tagalog Version:
Asawa: hon bakit ako ang pinili mo, na hindi naman ako maganda.
Bana: maganda ka naman hon ah.
Asawa: Cgurao ka hon maganda ako?
Bana: Uo maganda ka hon mula paa hangang li-ig.English Version:
Wife: Honey, I have one personal question, why you choose me, I'm not that pretty.
Husband: you are pretty honey
Wife: Really honey, I'm pretty?
Husband: Yes you are pretty, as I can see from foot to the neck.
7. Manguyabay
Bisaya Version:
Laki: gusto ka uyab ta?
babae: dili!
Laki: kadungog ka sa ako gi-ingun??
babae: O, oi!
Laki:: unsa man be?
babae: gisto ka uyab ta?
Laki: O, oi.. kaayo ahaha..
Tagalog Version:
Lalaki: Gusto syuta na kita?
babae: Ayuko
Lalaki: Narinig mo sinasabi ko?
babae: O, narinig ko
Lalaki: Anu sinabi ko ba?
babae: Gusto syuta na kita?
Lalaki: O, naman.
English Version:
Gent: Do you want, we're lovers?
Girl: No, I don't
Gent: do you hear what I said?
Girl: I do hear what you've said
Gent: So, what did I said to you?
Girl: Do you want, we're lovers?
Gents: Off course, I do.
8. Ni Absent
Bisaya Version:
LOLO: apo,tago kai naa imo teacher, ni absent raba ka!
APO: lo, tago pud kai ako raba ge ingnan ni absent ko kai NAMATAY KA..
hahahaha.
Tagalog Version:
LOLO: apo, magtagu ka andito teacher mo, dika pa naman pumasok
APO: lo, tagu ka, sabi ka pa naman sa teacher ko na, namatay ka kaya nag absent ako.
English Version:
Granpa: Grandson, hide you're teacher is coming, and you are absent in school
Grandson: Granpa, hide also, because I told my teacher that I will be absent, cause you died last night.
9. Kanta na Inday
Bisaya Version:
MC: Unsa'y kantahon nimo, Miss?
Contestant: Inday.
MC: Inday? Wala may kanta nga "Inday."
Contestant: Naa uy! Katong kang Whitney Houston'g kanta ba nga "INDAAAAY WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU."
Tagalog Version:
MC: ano kakantahin mo, Miss?
Contestant: Inday.
MC: Inday? Wala naman kanta ganun "Inday"
Contestant: Meron kaya, Yung kinanta ni Whitney Houston'g kanta ba nga "INDAAAAY WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU."
English Version:
MC: What song do you want to sing, Miss?
Contestant: Inday.
MC: Inday? there is no such song like "Inday"
Contestant: There is! the song which Whitney Houston' sing "INDAAAAY WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU."
10. Don't Say
Don't say this words to any Bisaya person. " eight, two, moon"
It means "You color is black", Nognog ka, Negro".
Be cautious. hehehe
11. Masahista
Masahista: Unsay guston nimong klase nga masahe, sir Swedish, Shiatsu?
Customer: Mahimo bag Bombay Style,day?
Masahista: Unsa nang Bombay Style sir.
Customer: Kanang 12 months to pay ba!
ngehahahahhahahaha!
12. Dead
Mrs. Tanoy is a very stingy. When her husband died, she inquired with the newspaper, asking the price for the obituary.
The ad taker said: "300 pesos for 5 words."
She said: "Pwede ba 2 words?" Tanoy dead ""
Ad taker: " No mam. 5 words jud the minimum. "
After thinking for a while, Mrs. Tanoy said: "Ok, for optimal jud, put you,
"TanoY DEAD, TOYOTA FOR SALE "
13. Driver nadakpan
Tikya nadakpan while driving:
Traffic cop examining license of Tikya
Traffic Cop:Miss imong lisensya palihug...
ohhh Mao ni ang klaro nga lisensya tunay jud og letrato, bisag ang mga kunot ma claro.
Di pareho anang ubang babaye ga paritoke.
Tikya: Bugalbogalon man ka sir oy ako man nang thumbmark.
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